Epoch
Recommended for:
Human doormats
Pros:
Won’t hurt anyone’s feelings
Won’t make you think about anything too complicated
Can be easily ignored
Cons:
Boring
Really boring
Jesus Christ it’s so boring
On June 12 of last year I woke up, freshly scarred by the nightmarish thoughts of finals week, and brushed my teeth. Afterwards, I made myself breakfast. I watched something on Netflix while I wolfed down a croissant. To conclude the day, I reclaimed my initial position on my bed, knocking out almost instantly. And there went the rest of my day. Twenty-four hours in a day; I was conscious for two of those hours.
That day was more fun than this Tycho album. I felt more alive in those 120 minutes of inactivity than I did sitting through this stale, monotone, forgettable excuse of a record.
Scott Hansen and Co. have created one of the most excruciatingly dull albums of this past year. Epoch was released on September 30th, sharing dates with the birth of Adam “Pacman” Jones, cornerback for the Cincinnati Bengals. Another quality they both share is that they’re both not worth the mental consideration of even a single brain cell. One more quality: if Pacman and Epoch were both removed from our world, no one would give a fuck.
There are many reasons why this album should be only used to fix wobbly tables, not listened to. For one, the vibe of this record. Songs such as “Horizon” and “Source” emanate a warm, analogous aura. Credit that to the reverbed guitar leads over soft pads and indie-rock drum work. That’s nice. But that feeling is shamelessly reproduced on nearly every other song on the track list. This consistency works great if you wanted music that is neither thought-provoking nor aurally stimulating. It’s the definition of boring. Epoch is great for anyone who recently concluded a backpacking trip in some exotic country and wanted songs to accompany a Facebook montage video of that journey. The notable exception to this formulaic collection of songs is “Receiver,” with its mysterious keyboard flourishes and sparse percussion contributing to its haunting atmosphere.
Another factor contributing to Epoch’s mediocrity is the songwriting. Every song contains some type of spacey guitar lead. Unfortunately, none of them are memorable or punchy enough to garner any type of attention. This can be said of almost every element Tycho puts in their tracks. The same colorless drums, synthesizers, and pads pollute the entirety of the album’s forty-five-minute runtime. Aside from the title track, there is no meaningful song progression to be found. When a supposed build-up to a climax does occur, like on “Division,” it falls flat. Yes, Scott Hansen, you added more reverbed guitars and made the drummer play in double time. No, Scott Hansen, that is not any bit exciting.
Epoch is the musical equivalent of the nice, inoffensive guy in your group of friends that you always forget to invite. Not because you dislike the man; he’s just kinda there, but not really. If you aspire to make no impact in your life, this is the album for you.
Favorite songs: "Receiver", "Epoch"
3/10
